Read this! It's a hilarious version of the Exodus!
http://www.thewestcoast.net/bobsnook/rdo/ot/aaron.htm
AARON 4'2m0f Aaron talks to Pharaoh in person, Moses by phone
(dialing beeps)
AARON -- Hello, Moses? Yeah, it's me, Aaron. Okay, I'm in the palace.
Where am I? I told you. I'm in the palace.
Oh, what room? Oh, ah, I don't know. It's a big room with tall
columns on either side of a big gold chair.
The throne room? I did good, huh?
No, I don't see no Pharaoh. There's a geeky looking guy with eye
makeup sitting up there in the big gold chair.
That's him?! That's the Pharaoh?! Naw! You're funnin' me. He
don't look like no king. He's a geek.
Don't shut me up. Well, who cares if he can hear me? He's a
geek. What's he gonna do, hit me with the tassel on his scepter?
(laughs)
Alright! I said I'd do it! I'm here, ain't I?
Yes, I'll do it right.
Moses, if you so much as touch my comic book collection...!
PHARAOH -- What is a Hebrew doing in my palace?
AARON -- Did you hear that, Moses? He wants to know what I'm
doing here. Okay. What do I say to him?
Greet him?
(aloud) Hi, Pharaoh.
Moses! You don't have to yell! What do I know about greeting a
king?
Alright, alright!
(aloud) O great Pharaoh, king of Egypt.
(aloud) Excuse me for a moment, your geekness. What do you want,
Moses?
Down low?
(Deep voice, aloud) O great Pharaoh, king of Egypt.
(aloud) Excuse me again, Pharaoh, I have this... My brother is
on the phone here.
What is in now, Moses?
Well, why didn't you just say BOW DOWN?! Now you made me forget
what I was supposed to say!
Just repeat what you say? Okay. Just talk slow, so I can talk
while you're talking, Okay? Okay.
(aloud) O great Pharaoh, king of Egypt. Thank you for giving an
audience to my brother Aaron and me.
(aloud) Moses and me. See, I'm Aaron and this is my little
brother Moses on the phone here....
(aloud) You're such a nitwit!
(aloud) He didn't mean to call me a nitwit...
(aloud) I didn't mean to call you a nitwit.
(aloud) Just clean the wax out of your ears and listen, will
you, Bozo?!
(aloud) He didn't mean to call me Bozo.
(aloud) He didn't mean to call you Bozo.
(aloud) I didn't mean to call you Bozo, your majesty.
Moses, can we just tell him why I'm here?
(aloud) Okay, Pharaoh, listen to this: The Lord wants you to let
your people go.
(aloud) His people.
(aloud) Your people.
(aloud) My people.
Well, make up your mind, Moses! Who's people are they?
My people.
(aloud) Pharaoh, the Lord wants you to let my people go.
PHARAOH -- How do I know that this is really from the Lord?
AARON -- Did you hear that, little brother? The Pharaoh asked:
how do we know that this is from the Lord?
(aloud) The Lord just spoke to me, you numskull.
(aloud) The Lord just spoke to him, you numskull.
(aloud) You're the numskull, not him!
(pauses)
(aloud) No offense intended, great Pharaoh, but the Lord just
spoke to my brother, Moses.
PHARAOH -- Show me a miracle to prove this is from the Lord.
AARON -- Did you hear that, little brother? The Pharaoh wants us
to show him a miracle to prove it's from the Lord.
(pauses)
Uh huh. Got it.
(aloud) Okay, you asked for it, Pharaoh. Moses is going to turn
this... ...into a snake.
(pauses)
Moses? It didn't work. I threw my hat down just like you said,
but, it's still a hat.
You said throw down your HAT, so you can turn it into a snake.
I heard you say HAT! Don't blame me!
Staff? I don't have a staff. I don't even have a secretary. What
am I, a big shot? I should have a staff?
My walking stick? Well, why didn't you say so?!
So, you want me to throw down my walking stick so you can turn
it into a snake?
Sorry. I can't.
I didn't bring it. That's why.
Why would I bring a walking stick? I'm not going walking.
(aloud) Listen, Mr Pharaoh... your majesty, we'll come back
later, when we can bring a snake.... staff.
(fading)
Yes, you did. You said HAT. And I not coming back here. You can
start the plagues without me.
